MarioismKartianity (MK) is a religion that uses Mario Kart to bring balance to the lives of college students
The goal of MarioismKartianity is to create motivations for a stress-free world by using moods that arise from performing the rituals. The desire to live a more stress-free college life is a powerful motivator. It encourages the habitual behaviors and rituals found in MK. The moods arise from the context of the rituals, since the rituals are designed to alleviate stress and bring about a peaceful state of mind. This temporary state of mind is called "Lakitu".
In many parts of the world, it is not unusual for large groups of young adults to leave their home upon finishing high school to continue their education at universities and colleges. This was not always the case. In fact, this specific act of education has changed and improved very much since it first started long ago.
In its genesis, universities and colleges suffered from one main problem. The students could never find a balance between schoolwork and relaxing time. Some students would work all the time, become over-burdened and too stressed. Other students would simply fail in their classes because they never studied. Nobody knew what to do about this. Finally, according to oral tradition, "In the beginning, the great gods of the sky decided to inject their mighty presence in the world of humanity to help. Mario, god of education, looked down upon the failing education systems on earth and realized that the students lack the ability to properly handle stress. Peach, a fellow goddess, was in a deep state of meditation in the Realm of the Clouds when she had an epiphany that would solve the problem. Peach shared her vision with Mario. He eventually developed her idea for three days until his toils had created the Super Nintendo gaming console."
Finally, when people were about ready to give up on the entire concept of universities and colleges, the gods of education decided to intervene. They manifested themselves in human form and took over the position of professors at different colleges and universities. Dr. Mario, president of the board, and his fellow board members: Dr. Luigi, Dr. Toad, Dr. Yoshi, and Dr. Peach created a plan for their students to fix this problem and bring balance to the lives of students. The solution came in the form of MarioismKartianity.
In the midst of all of these great acts by the gods, there was one thing that surprised them. "And it came to pass, Bowser, the embodiment of all evil, watched their work intently while devising a plan to corrupt their work by leading students down the path of failure."
In an effort to preserve MarioismKartianity so that it would last through generations in spite of the efforts of Bowser and his followers, Mario and his friends came up with specific rituals and a set of laws for those who would engage in their new religion. Most of the rituals were focused on Mario Kart (a much more primitive form of what we have today). Over time, the gods bestowed more wisdom upon some of the people who pleased them the most in their religion. These great figures in the history of MarioismKartianity then used this wisdom to improve the game more and more until it became what we have in the present day.
Way back when, there were two students, one named Bowser and one named Mario. Mario and Bowser were roommates throughout their college careers. Bowser was jealous that Mario got really good grades, had many friends, and seemed stress-free. Due to mounting stress, Bowser's grades continued to spiral downward to the point that he was kicked out of college. Once out of college, Bowser grew even more envious as Mario succeeded in life by getting a great job. As revenge, Bowser decided to trick other kids into failing out.
Bowser decided to enact his revenge of failing out on one unsuspecting student named Koopa Troopa. Poor Koopa Troopa was on academic probation due to his struggle with maintaining his stress level. He constantly sought help with this problem, but unfortunately found the guidance of Bowser. Bowser tricked him by "taking him under his wing." After just one semester, Koopa Troopa was kicked out and was not allowed to return. Bowser enjoyed tempting and misleading Koopa Troopa so much that he decided to devote his life to this pursuit.
Years later, Paratroopa, Koopa Troopa's nephew, was attending college. Paratroopa unfortunately was not doing well with maintaining a balanced life, and started to struggle with his studies. When Paratroopa returned home for a weekend, all-knowing Uncle Koopa Troopa was visiting and confronted Paratroopa about his poor grades. Koopa Troopa spoke of his great struggles in which he was also doing poorly in school and ultimately fell for Bowser's temptations. Due to his failure to graduate, Koopa Troopa was not successful in life and warned Paratroopa that the same was possible for him if he did not improve his grades. Not only would Paratroopa's grades suffer, but he might also endure anxiety and depression just as Koopa Troopa himself experienced.
In honor of Koopa Troopa's warning message, alumni visit college campuses across the country to guide current students to follow Mario and avoid Bower's tempting ways. The oral tradition also supports this, "Alumni of MarioismKartianity have the duty to bestow upon current students their knowledge of success."
Over the years, members of the religion started to mispronounce MarioismKartianity. Rumor has it that one day Toad accidentally said "MK" and since then the nickname has stuck. Some ultra-conservative extremists feel that only MK should be used, because the name MarioismKartianity is too sacred to be said aloud.
The Mario Kart Manual is the most holy of all texts for our religion. This text contains all the guidelines that are needed to fully understand the religion.
Basics - Introductory material on Mario Kart
Power Ups - Detailed information on how to become better at the game
Circuit Walkthrough - Information to reach higher levels of religious understanding
Battle Mode - Information about other rituals
Characters & Karts - Provides detail related to each character and kart
Unlockables - Learn to unlock secrets of the game to become a master of MarioismKartianity
The college manual is a secondary religious text. MarioismKartianists are encouraged to follow all the rules of their academic institution. The college manual is not given from the gods in the same way that the Mario Kart manual is. However, the gods encourage good academic behavior so much that these manuals have become sacred within some liberal sects.
In addition to the Mario Kart manual and the college manual, there was once also a Kartible created by Peach. In this text, she wrote why and how MarioismKartianity began. However, written documentation of the Kartible was destroyed and the stories within exist today only through oral tradition. Feminists believe that Mario destroyed the text on purpose to prevent Peach from receiving credit of developing MK.
One must never eat a banana when consuming food because bananas are the objects used against Mario and his friends to fall behind in their races.
Some people secretly eat bananas because they believe it helps them perform better when playing as Donkey Kong, keeper of bananas. The truth of this belief is debated between different sects. When one is craving a banana, they must instead eat an apple so that they maintain healthiness in addition to their balanced life.
If one does eat a banana, they are restricted from partaking in the rituals for 24 hours and lose the veil of protection from Mario for that time.
The gaming system must be treated as a sacred object and not destroyed. The gaming system may be any of the following: Super Nintendo, N64, GameCube, or Wii. Once a week the system must be cleansed to remove impurities that could affect the rituals.
Hands must be washed prior to playing Mario Kart. Once again, this is to remove impurities that could hinder performance of the rituals.
Harmful weapons within the game should not be used to hinder the good characters. Harmful weapons include the following: Red Shell, Green Shell, and running into one when having star power.
If an MKer accidentally harms one of the good characters, they must pause the game and repeat the prayer specified for the given character. (See rituals for prayers)
Some Freudian critics point to a story in the Kartible that claims Toad hit a good character during play and felt guilty for runining the race for the other character. MKers see this as a reduction of the true meaning of this ritual.
Kart of Mario Festival: The Kart of Mario Festival is a competitive racing festival. Four MKers come together on the same gaming system to race in hopes of winning and relaxation. Each racer must complete all four tracks within the same level cup. If the four MKers who are competing are on different levels, they must find the highest common level. The moment you hit the gas button to activate your car, you escape into a relaxed mind set. All outside noises are cleared and one’s full attention is on the race. These races ease the mind of all the studies that have taken place during the week and prepare one for the next week’s tasks. The overall winner will have a successful week.
The point of this ritual is to demonstrate religious knowledge and validate who is the better follower of MK.
For conservatives, Battle Mode must be played every Sunday. This competition takes place between you and another follower to find out who is the best follower. The winner proves that he or she knows the most about the religion and has kept up with his or her daily play.
Blowing into a game was seen as investing a person's spirit into the game. Some critics say that this only cleans out the dust from the game, but true MKers know this was a necessary religious step.
Believers of the Super Nintendo and the N64 still practice this ritual prior to playing.
Believers of the GameCube and the Wii do not practice this ritual any longer. They viewed the ritual as unclean, so therefore they developed the disc to avoid this issue.
Manual
According to conservative Super Nintendo sect, each week a specific section of the manual must be read and memorized.
On the final day of the Spring Semester, The Mario Manual Recitation takes place.
Most other sects view the manual as a sacred object. Rather than reading out of the manual, they believe in storing the manual in the case, always keeping above the gaming system.
If any damage happens to the manual, MKers must repent by reciting the Double Dash hymn.
Double Dash Hymn
Verse 1:
You be my princess
I'll be your toad
I'll follow behind you
on rainbow road
Protect you from red shells
wherever we go
I promise.
Verse 2:
No one will touch us
if we pick up a star
If you spin out
you can ride in my car
When we slide together
we generate sparks
in our wheels and our hearts
Chorus:
The finish line
is just around the bend
I'll pause this game
so our love will never end
Let's go again
Verse 3:
The blue shell is coming
so I'll go ahead
If you hang behind
it'll hit me instead
but never look back
cause I'm down but not dead
I'll catch up to you
Bridge:
Don't worry about
Bowser or DK
Eat this glowing mushroom
and they'll all fade away
Chorus x2
To the mushroom cup
and the flower cup
and the star cup
and the reverse cup
Walalalalala
Walalalalalawaluigiiiiii
Prayers
Mario Prayer: "You know him, you love him - the one and only Mario! He's returned to the Grand Prix with Fireballs in hand."
Luigi Prayer: "He's lean, he's not so mean, and his Fireballs are green! Everybody's favorite brother is here too!"
Peach Prayer: "Normally the epitome of grace, once she's on the raceway, Princess Peach really tears it up."
Yoshi Prayer: "Taking a break from carrying Mario, Yoshi's ready to burn up the courses"
Toad Prayer: "He's small and mighty, and he might hurt you slightly. Toad sure knows how to race it up."
We firmly believe in living a balanced life. A balanced life is when you are able to successfully balance your social, academic, and professional lives. Through strict adherence to MarioismKartianity, you should be able to succeed at living a balanced life.
Back at the beginning of 2006, a MarioismKartianist created the Wii. Their goal was to incorporate physical balance into the religion, by requiring the player to move the wii mote to move their on-screen character.
MKers of the Wii sect use a form of gaming language called "L33t" during their online gameplay.
Back in the mid to late 1990's, Luigi decided to join the golf team at his college. His rigorous college and sports schedule became hard to balance with being a devote MKer. Many MKers see this as the beginning of the Triad Movement, which is characterized by successfully balancing recreation, school, and MK.
Members of the golf team have changed their idea of how often the Kart of Mario Festival should occur, since they are unable to partake in competitive racing every Saturday due to golfing events. Instead of every Saturday when they play golf, they now believe that it is only necessary to play it four times a year; once during Winter break, once during Thanksgiving break, once during Spring break, and once during Easter break. As a result of this, members of other sports and clubs have assumed this way of worship.
Members of the conservative Super Nintendo sect still believe that you should partake in the Kart of the Mario Festival every Saturday. They believe that religion comes before all else.
Star - increase your speed and make you temporarily invincible, knocking over everything in your path
Red Shell - track the nearest vehicle a quick speed boost
Mushroom - give vehicles a quick speed boost
Thunder Bolt - this mighty bolt strikes all opponents at the same time, causing them to spin out, drop their items, and shrink in size, which reduces their max speeds
Fake Item - these items of deception look just like real item boxes, so place them where your opponents won't expect
Mushroom Cup - During your freshmen year, you should focus and compete at the Mushroom Cup level.
Flower Cup - During sophomore year, you should focus and compete at the Flower Cup level. You are also required to continue your mastery of the Mushroom Cup.
Star Cup - During junior year, you should focus and compete at the Star Cup level. You are also required to continue your mastery of the Mushroom and Flower Cups.
Special Cup - During senior year, you should focus and compete at the Special Cup level. You are also required to continue your mastery of Mushroom, Flower, and Star Cups. Upon graduation, you should be able to easily complete all cups.
If an MKer falls behind, they must use the summer to catch up. Upon returning in the fall, they will be given a chance to prove to alumni that they have mastered the necessary cup.
Conservatives do not allow those that fall behind to move on to the next level, until they can prove their mastery of the previous cup.
Most other sects simply encourage students to keep up on the cup for the given year and are not tested until the final year.
If an MKer desires to move to an advanced cup prior to the end of designated year, they must seek alumni to approve this transition.
MKers of different cups can race against other MKers on the highest common level.
Mario - Mario represents all that is good. All MKers, except feminists, strive to be like Mario. They wish to achieve the balance that Mario was able to maintain and also be as successful.
Luigi - Brother of Mario that started the Triad Movement.
Yoshi - Creator of the Wii.
Peach - Feminists believe that Peach is the true creator of MK and desire to be as good as her.
Toad - Started the name MK.
Bad Characters:
Bowser - Bowser represents all that is evil. MKers do not want to emulate Bowser because he leads them astray; however, if believers fall off course and do not believe they can get back on track, then many look to Bowser as the most powerful and all knowing.
Donkey Kong - Donkey Kong is the keeper of bananas. Many believe that he often assists Bowser's evil plots. It is because of his love for bananas that they are the forbidden fruit.
Neutral Characters:
Koopa Troopa - Gave into Bowser's temptations, but was the first to warn future generations of the need for a balanced life.
This list is an essential list, but not comprehensive. It does not include characters beyond the Super Nintendo version.
Many critics of MarioismKartianity try to reduce our religion down to simply a video game. They do not understand the meditative benefits of our religion. If they would listen to a testimony of a true follower, then maybe they would understand. They need to stop looking at Mario Kart through their worldview, which places Mario Kart in a category of simply being a video game, but rather try to understand our views on the video game and its religious meaning.
Our religion has been brought to college students all over the world through the medium of a video game. Since our religion's core belief is expressed through these means, it has evolved much differently than most religions. We see our video game system as a sacred object. We use it for ritual so it encompasses a special place in our religion. In addition, the game has to be appealing for more than just those in MarioismKartianity, so we have added elements that are both entertaining but also serve a religious purpose.
Critics claim that the video that MarioismKartianity is based on is in the 'Comedy' section of YouTube. However, Comedy can sometimes be true. Because, the only quatity of comedy is that it makes you laugh. And sometimes true things can make you laugh. They claim that the MK Video was made for an college assaigment. However, MKers(the majority of them, at least) believe that the Gods gave MarioismKartianity to A.)To finish a college assaigment and B.)Teach the true religion.
Critics often say that MK discriminates against those with less money, since the gaming systems and games are expensive. They claim that only those who can afford it are in the religion. They also remark that commuter students are limited in participation, since only when they are on campus can they truly partake in MK. Many critics also say MK limits MKers to those in enrolled in colleges with dorms, because a dorm setting is necessary to be successful in the religion.
As MKers, we often take part in charity Mario Kart tournaments to raise money for those less fortunate who wish to participate in MK. We do not believe that our religion discriminates, since we have successfully raised $39,524 to help college students purchase necessary gaming systems.
The followers maybe aren't discriminating, but the religion itself is.
Added by Sgt.Friso
