Hatism Core beliefs The hat of shame is the most godly possession ever created. It holds the secrets to evolution and to the secret of life. There are other prophets and godly personnel with include the supreme leaders. There is only one superior being and that is The Hat of Shame.
Afterlife Hatists believe that there is no heaven or hell as only certain personnel are permitted to join Hatism. There is no reincarnation either but Hatists do believe in an afterlife. When Hatists die they go to Hatsha. In Hatsha, the home of The Hat of Shame, there is an equivalent of the playboy mansion, an endless supply of food and drink and anything to your heart’s desire.
Holy Places There are 3 main places of worship, Supreme Leader Scotty's house, The Wreck (The playground near the sorting office in Clitheroe) and Mallory Park (the place where The Hat Of Shame first came down to earth to tell the world about Hatism).
Holidays October 20th - Hatism Day March 6th - Supreme Leader Newally's Day May 5th - Supreme Leader Matt's Day December 16th - Supreme Leader Smithy's Day February 21st - Supreme Leader Scottys Day Pick On Supreme Leader Newally Day - Every 10th of the month
The History of Hatism The date was October 23rd 2005 and the hat of shame was bored. He had slept with all the women in Hatsha, (see setion on afterlife) had drank all of the alcohol that he could possibly consume and had smited all of his enemys. The hat of shame decided to go to earth and tell the people there about hatism. The hat of shame caught the 241 bus to earth and was dropped off at Mallory Park race circuit. There he was bought by Supreme Leader Matt who took him back to the holy town of Clitheroe.
The hat if shame also brought with him his best friend from Hatsha, The Sorting Hat. The sorting hat is the great prophicist who predicts the future of hatism. His prophecies are: 1. The hat of shame shall eventually die/be throw in a bin. 2. Supreme Leader Matt shall eventually meet a girl who fancies him. Maybe. If every other man in earth dies. 3. Hatism shall over throw the church of England and finally preform sermons that are not in the slightest bit boring.
Over the coming years the hat of shame told the other Supreme Leaders, Newally, Smithy and Scotty about the ways of hatist and how to pull girls (Supreme Leader Matt was away when this was explained). From then on the hat of shame traveled the world, telling people about hatism and preforming miracles along the way.
One such miracle was when the hat of shame robbed a bank and escaped mini. (Note: This is where the film director for the Italian job got the idea). Another great story was when the hat of shame shamed the whole of France for being pompous, cheese eating, surrendering puffs. Hatism is now punishable by death in France but not to worry because the hat of shame will shame you first if you even try to become a hatist.
The hat of shame then revealed to the world that this wasn't the first time that he had been to earth and had been several times before. The hat of shame had come to earth in fact on 23 different ocasions and has now revealed that he was behin some of the worlds greatest mysterys.
One such time was when he killed the dinosaurs. This was achived by shaming all of the dinosaurs until they commited suicide. Another mystery is what came first the chicken or the egg? This is simple. The egg came first as the hat of shame was hungry one day and decided to invent the egg as this is an ingredient in quite a few foods eg Cakes, omlettes and fried eggs.
Sacrifices/offerings Hatists are strongly encouraged to give thanks to the hat of shame by giving gifts to the supreme leaders. Gifts can include chocolate, money and other such items.
Praying Hatists are taught to pray at least once a day of whenever they can be bothered. How to pray: 1. Kneel down. It doesn't matter where you are. In the middle of a shopping centre, driving in the car, on the train or while having sex. 2. Hail the hat of shame by making a bowing movement. 3. Recite the hatist prayer: The hat of shame who is in Hatsha Teach us to be hatists. Then we shall conquer the world, As you wished, And the supreme leaders shall reign almighty. Give us today our daily chocolate. And shame non hatists, As we too shame non hatists aswell. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For you are ever powerful. Now and for ever.